I find it interesting the more I take care of myself and my needs and desires, the better I feel and the better things are going for me. Very interesting.
I know now that my recent past was all about me not doing this. I fell further and further away from taking care of myself in my relationships. All of them. The more I did this the crappier I felt and the worst things went for me.
I was like a liquid that would fill whatever mold was in front of me. Family, friends or other relationships dictated the form and function of my life (mold). Eew! This caused me significant pain and it deeply affected all of those relationships as well because my intent and energy goes out from me like radio waves.
I see now that what I was doing was using these relationships as a means to feel good about my SELF. Pretty much like being an addict. Dependent on something outside of me to make me feel good. I see this now and can refocus my energy and intent on me and my needs and desires. The rest will fall into place out of this.
I am so grateful for this insight!
I can clearly see the pattern throughout my entire life now. I am no longer going to take that drug and I am running to recovery meetings to get the emotional support I need to proceed and exceed in my life.