Wednesday, March 31, 2010

The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Days 86


I woke up feeling like shit today.  I had dreams about my partner. It seemed like a rewind back to my deep feelings of anxiety and depression because I was focusing on him as my source of feeling good.

Eew!

I jolted out of bed and went to a yoga class and dropped some tears and now I feel much better after that and meditating and checking in with my guides.

What I got clearly was that I have been trying to make something happen.  This is not the way of The Law of Attraction.  The law of attraction is based on me feeling good and nothing more and nothing less.

This is what page 44 of "The Vortex" said to me this morning:
"When the moment of thought is blissful and satisfying -- without the contradictory energy of trying to make something that has not yet happened, happen -- your Vibration is pure and powerful, and your creation can easily flow without hindrance."
So, today I get to work on myself and return myself to that space of feeling good no matter what is going on around me.  I cannot look to ANYTHING outside of my SELF for anything because that will not work.  It is all about feeling good and being connected and present to my Higher Self, the REAL SELF.  I will do things that feel good today and nurture me.

Today I am going to do spiritual quest things.  I need some answers to some deep questions and I need nature to help me do that.  I always feel so calm and centered when I am in nature and beholding the beauty and wonder there.

Namaste

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Days 85

What a beautiful day driving back to Palm Springs from visiting my family.  It was a great visit and I got all kinds of encouragement, love and support on my recent challenges.

The neatest thing is the synchronicity of events and things that have happened during this trip.  I have been pampered and spoiled and have barely spent a dime.  Wow!  I am effortlessly meeting new folks and stretching myself further than I have in many years.  I have a positive expectation and outlook despite any contrast I am experiencing in my life.

I can't wait to see what the rest of the week uncovers!

The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Days 84

It is so hard to believe that it has almost been 90 days since I began this journey.  Wow!  I can honestly say this has been a life-transforming experience.  I am in a much different place than when I began this journey.

When this journey commenced I was a VICTIM, now I am a CREATOR.

I love every moment of life and I trust that EVERYTHING I want to create is brought to me.  I only have to keep focused on what I want, my Vortex (non-physical self) and release all sense of stress and strain.  I am finding it really is that simple!

What a breath of relief!

Sunday, March 28, 2010

The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Days 83

Here I am in Palm Springs.  The land of eternal Summer.  Wow, is it fabulous.  The weather is everything that I remember and more.  It is quiet, peaceful, serene and I am surrounded by mountains, blue skies and beautiful singing birds.

I am finally recovered from my long-delayed flight from Friday night and now I find I have all these feelings coming up that need to be felt and listened to.  They have messages for me.  They are speaking to me.  I know from the teachings of Abraham that my feelings are my guidance barometer.  So tune in I will.

Check back for more news and progress as this week moves forward...

Saturday, March 27, 2010

The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Days 82

It was a glorious day of Yoga, packing for my trip to Palm Springs and then travel.

Travel was a tad frustrating because of major mechanical delays, but I got to spend it with wonderful people as we passed the time.  There was also a slew of children playing games that entertained us a lot as we waited in the empty airport after midnight.  What an interesting new experience.

I am glad I had my arsenal of Mala beads, books and inspirational materials to remind me to stay in my Vortex.  This kept me calm and centered and happy.  What a change from a few years ago.  I would have been angry and livid at the circumstances AND I would have forced the airline to accommodate and compensate me somehow.

I got that anyway.  I got a voucher for some food, I will get some travel vouchers from the airline for future travel AND they will reimburse me for my cab ride to the home I am staying.

My partner pointed out that maybe it was an exercise in patience because there were no other flights for several days.  I either had to wait for the plane to arrive, or forego the trip altogether.  That was, obviously, unacceptable.

So, now I am in Palm Springs visiting old friends, family and getting a much needed break from my routines and "life" in San Francisco.  I really need the break and I have a lot of questions to ask of the desert and of my SELF.

All is delightfully well!  Gratefully I accept this and embrace it.  And so it is...

The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Days 81

What a delicious day it was.  I feel great!

I got some great reminders in my mediumship training class too.  I love my mediumship class!  I have found some great value in speaking and playing with energy and the spirit world.  I have found allies that don't judge or condemn anything I do.  They support me and guide me unerringly in every moment if I am open to it.

This physical journey is all about taking care of my SELF and expression my SELF fully and unabashedly.  This is my journey, this is my recent round of lessons.  This is where I belong.  Taking care of the SELF and allowing everything else to fall into place.

All is well and so it is...

Thursday, March 25, 2010

The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Days 80


In the book, "The Vortex" I read this morning that there is NO WAY to jump from feeling like crap to the top of the emotional guidance scale.  I have to do this incrementally.  It is the ONLY way.  I can see how this has been my journey for the past couple weeks, but more importantly, the past 3 years or so.

Why do I bring this up?  To remind my SELF that this is not a quick fix journey.  For me, this is essentially rewiring and rethinking EVERYTHING about this experience called human life.

I don't know about you but I was taught to believe it if I see it.  I am now profoundly experiencing that it is actually the believing that is causing the seeing or experience.  It all starts with focus, mind, belief, intent and word.

I feel like I have been “waking up” to who and what I really am for the first time ever.  This is even deeper and more profound than this felt 17 years ago when I moved to San Francisco here from San Diego.  It feels like I am coming into my awareness and practice of my SELF as an energetic, non-physical being.  This is awesome because I feel like I am leaving a lot of ego behind.

This is about Source and not about me.  This is about Source expressing in and through this body and form called Stefen.  I can let go of my personality and remember that I am not this body.  I am so much more.  I am Source powerfully choosing to be here for the purpose of expansion and expression.  Stefen gets to enjoy the ride along the way...

How fun, huh?

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Days 79

Endings and beginnings, endings and beginnings.  When one door closes another door opens...

Last night an announcement was made about the ending of a group I've been a part of for several years.  This group has been instrumental to my spirituality and growth.  I am sad to see it go, but at the same time I cannot help but be amazed at the synchronicity and timing of it.  Hmmm...

I am interested in what is coming up next.  This should be fun!

The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Days 78

Yoga is so amazing!  I love being able to exercise and practice mindfulness at the same time.  It is such a delight!

I went to the Kabuki Spa today for what I call an "Urban Sweat".  It was needed and it was fruitful to detox my body a tad.  I love it so much because I follow the Japanese bathing ritual they have posted up in the locker room.  Every time I do I experience similar insights and ahas just like I do in a sweat lodge.

Nurturing mySELF is getting easier and easier and becoming THE most important thing in my moment to moment existence...

The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Days 76 & 77

Saturday I battled with my SELF...all freakin' day long...  eew!  I got knocked off my Center by stupid things others say and I allowed it to keep me there most of the day.  I guess I forgot to perform some of my Vortex practices...huh?

When I realized what I was doing to MYSELF, I stopped and turned my focus towards what I want and started expressing gratitude.  It shifted me immediately AND it shifted my experience of others as well.

Sunday was an amazing bike ride.  It was like a 6 hour long meditation.  How wonderful and amazing to get fit and meditate at the same time.

I also go to vent with a dear DEAR friend.  I had a lot of "stuff" to get off my chest in order to get myself back into my Vortex.  Venting for me is like punching a bag or pillow.  It brings immediate emotional relief because I don't have that angst pent up inside me anymore.

This stuff really works!!!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Day 75

What a lovely day!  I got to spend a lot of time by my SELF which was good for self-reflection.  I realized a lot of things that I have been judging about myself.  That was good because I got to let those things go.

I am clear that the only journey I can take is the one that is in front of me.  It is created by MY focus on my desires and my SELF and my connection.  I cannot control others, their comments or their ways of being, however, I can take myself away from those experiences if they do not feel nurturing to me.

I feel like I have been living a half-life of survival for just over three years now.  It seems to have taken me this long to "wake up" and "smell the coffee".  Well, it took whatever it took, huh?

I am now on the road of seeking out only good feelings and vibes and nurturing my SELF.  I cannot expect another to do that for me anymore.  When I do that I find myself dependent on them for my good feelings.  Eew!

I am heading down to the desert next week for a Vision Quest and to find my SELF again.  No distractions.  Just me, the peace and quiet of the desert and my favorite spiritual teacher.  I trust I will find what I have been seeking over the last few years because it feels like the right thing to do.  It feels expansive and like I am stepping into my own dominion.

I am grateful for life and for being alive in this wildly creative experience.  It is finally time to play and enjoy this experience and shed all the baggage I've picked up along the way.

And so it is...

Friday, March 19, 2010

The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Day 74


I feel good today!  Things are moving along perfectly and I don’t even have to know how or why.  They just are.

I am looking forward to getting away to Palm Springs for Spring Break next weekend.  I need to get away and relax for a few days and have some solitude in the peace and quiet of the SoCal desert.  I don’t know what I will find there, but I am so looking forward to the journey and experience.  I know I will find my path down there and the guidance I need to move forward with this latest phase of life.

I KNOW that all is well.  This is the most important thing to remember.  Nothing else matters than that I feel good and press forward with good vibes and great expectations.  All is well and so it is…

Thursday, March 18, 2010

The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Day 73

Wow!  This has been an interesting journey thus far.  It has been a shedding of what I needed to shed so I can easily stay in "tune" and in alignment with my Vortex.  It seems I had to shed a lot.  I am in a good place now and can really focus on what I am creating AND on just feeling good.  IT REALLY IS THAT SIMPLE.

I was reading in the book, "The Vortex" by Esther & Jerry Hicks and there is an excellent explanation of our Vortex I want to share:

  • Before your birth into this physical body, you were in the Vortex (no resistant thought resides there).
  • A part of the Consciousness that was you is now focused into the physical you that you know as you.
  • The contrast of your life causes you to send rockets of expansion into your Vortex, where the larger Non-Physical part of you exists.
  • The Vortex, which holds only your positive requests for improvement and expansion, holds no thoughts that contradict improvement and expansion.
  • The Law of Attraction responds to the pure, nonresistant Vibration of your Vortex and gathers all cooperative, Vibrational-matching components that are necessary for the completion of the creation.
  • You are one of the components of your creation.
  • In fact, you are the creation.
  • So the only question is: Are you, from your physical format, right now, a Vibrational Match to your creation? Or not?
  • And the way you feel, right now, as you focus upon the subject of creation is your answer.
  • If you are angry--you are not a Vibrational Match--and you are not in the Vortex.
  • If you are feeling appreciation--you are a Vibrational Match--and you are in the Vortex.
The key to getting inside your vibrational Vortex of Creation, of experiencing the absolute absence of resistance, of achieving complete alignment with all that you have become and all that you desire, and of bringing to your physical experience everything that you desire--is being in the state of appreciation.  And there is no more important object of attention to which you must flow your appreciation than that of self.


The habit of thought, or belief, that holds most people outside of their Vortex of Creation, more than all other thoughts put together, is the lack of appreciation of self.  (pp. 179-180)


This brings me back to the good 'ol mirror work of appreciating myself no matter what.  If nothing else, I can be appreciative of the SPIRIT that I am.  That makes it a tad easier in this and many other moments.

It's all about love and appreciation of self and focusing on what I want.  Nothing more and nothing less.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Day 72

I feel in the flow of my Vortex and it really is getting easier and easier as I go along.  Are things where I, as a human, want to see them, NO.  Am I worried about that, NO.

I KNOW things are working out AND I see the signs and synchronicity every day.  But most importantly, I feel awesome.  I find very little bothering me anymore.  I am easily able to refocus on what I am creating instead of focusing on the contrast that surrounds me at all times.  For me, Stefen, this is nothing short of a miracle.

I have been focusing on the contrast for quite a while now.  Years if the truth be told.  I have been beating my head against the wall wondering why I am not receiving what I've wanted to create.

What have I learned through this 90 day experience so far: My focus was out of alignment.  Nothing more, nothing less...

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Day 71

I am struck by the amazing synchronicities that are beginning to show up in life.  This really is getting easier as my friend told me.  I simply focus on MY connection with my Vortex or non-physical self or Spirit or soul or whatever you choose to call it.

When I sit with that energy and space I feel so much larger than my body and my circumstances and affairs.  It feels good and I am able to remind myself this human experience does NOT have to be so challenging.  It is supposed to be fun and enjoyable.

I am heading on a retreat for Spring Break this year to Palm Springs.  I have a dear friend that said I could stay with him and borrow his car.  What a generous offer.  I need the break from my current City and climate.  It will be awesome to get away.

Life is finally beginning to become fun, joyful and easy.  Boy am I grateful for that!

The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Days 69 & 70

What a great couple of days.  I am really getting in touch with staying in my Vortex and what that FEELS like.  Better yet, I like the results and synchronicities that are showing up.

I feel at peace, I feel good about my SELF, I feel good about my life and the direction it is taking.

Simply stated, this whole Vortex experience is about self-care and self-love.  Nothing more and nothing less.  My goal is to feel at peace at all times, no matter what.  If I am not experiencing peace, then I know I am in the way.  My thoughts and feelings are taking me away from my Vortex (Center).

A friend told me when I first started this journey that it would get easier and that I would reach a critical mass.  She was telling the truth!

The more I focus on feeling at peace, centered and connected (in my Vortex) the more wonderful life is getting.  The best thing is as my friend said, it is easier and easier to stay in my Vortex.  I simply recognize I am not in it and turn away from what I am experiencing (or resisting) and focus on getting back into my Vortex.

It took a while to get here, but it was well worth the journey because my passion and verve for life is returning.  I haven't felt this good in about 17 years.  Wow!

Saturday, March 13, 2010

The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Days 68

It is interesting that the better I feel and reach for improvement in my emotional guidance, the more things shift for the better.  I am in a place of flux in my life right now, but there is no sense of strain or stress or upset about it.

It is what it is and it isn't what it isn't.  Just as it should be...

I am in a space of calm relaxation and knowing that I am heading in the right direction by not resisting what is here now.  I just sometimes have to notice where I am so I can shift my focus.

Friday, March 12, 2010

The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Days 67

Wow, synchronicity and peace keep coming to me more easily and effortlessly.  It is a delicious experience and I love how and what I am feeling.  It seems the more I focus on me and my Vortex, the better things are turning out, but more importantly, the BETTER I FEEL.  This is the whole point of this 90-Day experience.

How am I doing this.  Well, I will tell again what I am doing on a daily basis to turn my attention to what I want and away from what I don't:

  1. I pray and meditate everyday.  Usually several times a day.
  2. I work with my wrist Mala beads and think of things to be grateful for with every relationship I want to improve.
  3. I read the following every day after my prayers:  http://www.abraham-hicks.com/lawofattractionsource/teachings_brief.php
  4. I write in my journal about what I am experiencing and what I am finding out about my SELF.
  5. I am sharing about my insights and experiences with my Spiritualist Pastor and another trusted advisor.
  6. I notice, celebrate and document the synchronicities that are happening in my life daily.
  7. I look for more miracles and for avenues of relief from my "human" mind (ego).
  8. I read daily from the book, "The Vortex".
  9. I listen to chants and spiritual music exclusively.
  10. I support myself in ways that work for me.  I go to 12-step meetings, therapy, classes, etc.
  11. I express my truth in the moment with love and compassion.
  12. I live in a space of gratitude.
That, in a nutshell, is my prescription for success in this Vortex Experience.  Things are working out and not necessarily in the ways I think they would or SHOULD have.  Interesting how that works when I surrender...

Thursday, March 11, 2010

The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Days 66


I feel amazing and it just gets better and better every day.  I feel more and more like my old self and that none of the stuff I have been through is that big of a deal.  It was all for my expansion and evolution.  Well I feel like I have arrived and it is a delicious feeling to be comfortable in my own skin again knowing who I am and where I am going.  All really is well.

I spoke with a good friend this morning and he was VERY supportive of something I've been considering lately.  He said that it sounds like I have thought it through completely and agrees with my thoughts and feels like it is a good thing for me to consider.  How interesting!

I know I didn’t need that confirmation, but it is yet another synchronicity I cannot ignore.  Wow!

I am getting more and more excited about life in combination with The Vortex and Law of Attraction.  I feel excited for the first time in a LONG time.  Gracias a Dios!

So, today is an adventure of work, service and education and growth.  It will be a delicious day and I can't wait to see what happens and shows up!  Wow, did I say that?

The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Days 65

This stuff really does work!  The more I focus positively and on my Vortex the more things seem to be heading in a positive direction and towards things that are wanted.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Days 62, 63 & 64

I have been so busy these past few days that I have been unable to catch up with my SELF and write.  I enjoy writing when I am authentically expressing myself.  I find it relaxing and educational.  As I write I learn about myself.  It also causes me to review the past few moments to see what I've learned from the contrast I am experiencing...

It is an interesting dance we are all involved in here.  On one hand we are taught the Law of Attraction and that Mind/Spirit are more real than what we see, hear, touch, taste and smell.  On the other hand we experience strong contrast to allow us to learn, grow and expand as a means to focus or "lean" more fully on that part of us which is non-physical.  It can be VERY distracting and shift focus from the non-physical to the physical.  Even still, we are eventually brought to our knees about this existence and that the non-physical is more real than the physical.  I know I have felt that way lately.

I feel like EVERYTHING I have tried to muster to create has failed me miserably.  I know now it is because I have been focusing on what I don't want or the appearances of contrast that are in front of me.  It is a challenge to shift focus to something that is intangible, but that is what this whole experience of the 90-Vortex Experience is about for me.  Focusing exclusively on the non-physical side of my SELF or my Vortex and stay there.  Allow the creations I have started to come to me.  I have seen a lot of growth and a lot of expansion.

This has created more faith in my self and reminds me of a time when I played in this dance so effortlessly.

What it all comes down to is that I have to tend to me, my vibration and stop worrying about the rest.

I have spent so much time worrying, worrying, worrying and looking for the outcome.  THIS IS NOT THE WAY OF PEACE AND JOY!

I have to remind myself of this moment by moment.  I have to shed the "stuff" that no longer works and trust the feelings I am feeling inside as I stay in touch with my SELF.  These feelings are like my own personal GPS system telling me which way to turn and which way not to turn.

The slightest feeling of resistance of or discord is a resounding, "no"; whereas, a feeling of relief or expansion is a, "YES".

I am trusting this more and more and I am finding peace in this.  This is my one true goal, The Peace of Source!

Friday, March 5, 2010

The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Day 61

I am at a loss of what to write for a change.  Can you believe that?  I can't!

I feel like I have crossed a major hurdle in my life experience and have dealt with some major issues and "stuff" inside myself that were blocking my progress with this Vortex Experience.

The long story short; IT WAS ALL ME AND IN MY MIND!

I had conflicting thoughts and beliefs that were contrary to my Vortex and Vibrational Escrow.  I see this as if I were clearly looking at a beautiful sunset on the beach.

Now I feel at peace, AND I still have to practice what I have been practicing.  STAYING IN MY VORTEX and focusing upon what I want to create or upon things I am grateful for.  Moment by moment, hour by hour, day by day, etc...  It is a never ending process of conscious focus and conscious creation.

Can you dig it? I can...

Thursday, March 4, 2010

The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Day 60

Wow!  I am now 60 days into my 90-Day Vortex Experience.  I can honestly say that life is much better AND it doesn't look anything like I thought it would.  How interesting is that?

An experience came up in my life that could have been seen as negative or challenging.  It ended up being an opportunity for discussion and a deepening in a relationship with someone in my life.  It opened up a discussion about possibility and out of this possibility came some amazing honesty, intimacy and creative solutions and possibilities.  All of them are exciting and expansive.

My point here is I never know why an experience may be coming into my life as I focus on my energy and my Vortex.  I can either have a "knee-jerk" reaction and judge and resist it saying, "this should NOT be", or I can step back and witness what is unfolding.  In witnessing and being honest with my Self and others, and staying in alignment what could have been considered a challenge or negative ended up as an opportunity for expansion.

Is there a challenge to be dealt with still?  Yes, but the energy with which I see it is radically different.  THIS IS THE WHOLE POINT!

Wow!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Day 59


I am amazed at how easy this Law of Attraction really is.  I really is easy!  Hear me out...

It is just complex applying it and being CONSISTENT, especially when “stuff” comes up.  I certainly have a LOT of “stuff”.  What I am clear about is that improvement or emotional relief is my measurement.  How does it feel when I consider a course of action or allow myself to purge and cleanse myself?  Relief is my litmus test.  Does it bring emotional and energetic relief?

I have been going through some challenging times lately.  The neatest thing is that I have allowed myself to cry or be angry about something.  Why?  Because it brings emotional/energetic relief.  Hear me out...

If I am holding onto my anger it becomes resentment.  Further down the emotional ladder.
If I am holding onto sadness it can become angst or stress or anger.  Further down the emotional ladder.

So, in allowing myself to cry and purge/cleanse what I am feeling, I am bringing IMMEDIATE RELIEF to my Self.  I feel RELIEF after crying or expressing my suppressed anger in a safe manner.  The angst goes away and I am once again sitting in my Vortex.

With the release of those feelings I am opening up to things that far surpass my human intellect.  Magic and miracles seem to happen right in front of me.  REALLY!

God I love this experience and journey!  It has been so rewarding and exhilarating.  My passion and excitement for life is returning once again.  Yay!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Day 58

It was a good day and I am clear this whole thing about "The Vortex" experience is all about managing my vibration and my alignment with my non-physical self and nothing else.

I keep falling down from time to time, but I keep getting up again.  I guess I am learning how to walk...

I have focused for so long on things outside my SELF and this has gotten me into so many challenges and situations in the past.  No more!  Eew!

I cannot wait for others anymore.
I cannot wait for others to change to make me happy or content.
I cannot wait for others to make things good for me.
I cannot look for ANYTHING outside of my SELF.
End of discussion!

I trust this and only this because I've got nothing to prove it wrong yet.  My best efforts of depending on others has gotten me where I am.  Now I am focusing my The Self and seeing where that is leading.

Progress, not perfection.  Continual expansion and growth is the name of my game.  Let's see how it plays out.

Blessed be!

The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Day 57

I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike, I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride it where I like...

What a wonderful and AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL day riding my bicycle for the first time in about three weeks.  67 miles...wow!

I was pretty congested over the last few weeks thanks to a homeopathic remedy my naturopathic doctor has me on.  He "forgot" to tell me about some of the other side effects that could happen.  Well, they all did, but the good news is there is improvement in the area being treated as well.  Yay!  This is huge progress because I have been dealing with this condition for going on two years or so.

I could say this is a manifestation of healing that I have been "blocking" by focusing on the symptoms and treating the symptoms instead of seeking alignment and then treating the cause....

ME!

It's all about the "mind" and where I choose to keep my focus.  This isn't selfish, it is taking care of the God Spark that I am.  In loving and caring for my SELF I am caring for my spirit.

Monday, March 1, 2010

The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Day 56

What a wonderful day it was.  Resting, relaxing, playing with friends and KNOWING that things are flowing easily and effortlessly.

It seems the more I practice these principles, the better things seem to be coming together.

I REALLY MEAN THAT!!!!!

Remember I've been sharing about a few relationships where they are NOT where I want them to be?  Well these relationships are improving just by the fact that I am expressing gratitude daily for these people. Real gratitude, not made up stuff!

I am also focusing on what makes me happy and content as opposed to worrying about what the world can give me to achieve this space.

I can honestly say that at Day 56 things are improving and a momentum seems to be arriving that is unparalleled.  It is uncanny, wonderful and exactly what I needed.

Now the rest is about continuing these practices daily no matter what, not just when things are crappy!