Reflexions and insights from my holiday travels.

Things happened better than I could have imagined during the Holidays. I kept focusing on being a good feeling place. I kept practicing being grateful and being of service and just holding a space for everyone I was around. It was a relatively relaxing experience all around.

I can now clearly see the wisdom in letting go and allowing myself to FEEL my way to a better life. I can see this is the way.

I simply focus on me and my connection in each and every moment. That is all I have to do. This connection feeds me, calms me down and gives me faith and hope.

These practices have paid off well during these holidays and have shown me they deserve much closer attention and focus; hence, my decision to go on an “official” Vortex Diet of the Mind.

We will see how this goes in the coming weeks as I blog about it and see what happens. 90-days commencing on January 4, 2010.

The things I would like to see show up are:

1. A deepening and enrichment of my relationship with my partner.
2. Abundance – expected and unexpected.
3. Job opportunities and possibilities.
4. Improved relationships with family and friends.
5. Positive momentum on all of the above.

There, I said it. I put it in writing. We’ll see how things go as we progress...

New Project!

Last night I watched the movie "Julie & Julia" and was inspired by Amy Adams role of blogging about her experience cooking through Julia Child's cookbook. Why do you ask? I have touched on wanting to be on what I call the Vortex diet for 90 days in several entries prior to this one.

However, I really want test the philosophy and guidance of Jerry and Esther Hicks in their latest book for myself and my life, "The Vortex".

I am going to officially begin again and blog every day about what I am experiencing on my 90 day journey. I want to not only chronicle it, I want to pass what I am learning about my SELF onto others that might be interested. I love writing in this manner and I want to write NOW, not later.

So, please check back for more updates and my sharing regarding this new "project". I will officially commence my Vortex Diet on January 4, 2010.

Holidays and Holy Days.

Here I am in Southern California in my second week of Christmas vacation enjoying family, friends, love, joy, and growing. Yes, I said growing.

I have learned, once again, that nothing in the outside world can come to me without my consent. I know that nothing in the outside world can make me feel good. It is my job to feel good, to connect and to know that I am not this body, I am not these experiences. I am so much more.

Out of this work I see the fruition, the creation, the peace, the joy and the love is all there. I am grateful for this. It allows the connection, the togetherness and so much more.

Happy New Year and so it is...

90 Day Vortex Diet

I have been on a diet lately that I call the "Vortex Diet". I had been propelled to a place of frustration and resignation in my life. I had given up all hope of things getting better and actually enjoying life again. Why? It doesn't matter, what matters is that I was finally brought to my knees in surrender.

So, where did I go, what did I do?

I picked up a book. I picked up "The Vortex" by Esther and Jerry Hicks and started to read it ravenously.

So, I've come to the conclusion that my life has not worked for many years. I am quite tired of trying, coercing, manipulating, explaining, crying, fighting, talking, pushing and all that goes with creating through my EGO. I am exhausted and emotionally bankrupt.

I decided, in picking up this amazing book, to go on what I call a "Vortex Diet" for a minimum of 90 days. Why? To "test" the concepts in this book really intently and consciously.

What this means is looking to the positive and what I am creating at all times. This means praying and turning my cheek from what I don't want. This means focus on what I like about life and being grateful. This means finding a way to alter my focus when I find myself lamenting or trying to manipulate life. No really!

1. I will pick up the book and read a passage when I need to turn my focus around.
2. I will choose another subject if I cannot be in "alignment" in one particular area of life.
3. My Mala beads have also been instrumental in being grateful. I will do a round being grateful for something with each bead.
4. I can also take a deep breath and FEEL my connection with my non-physical self.
5. I can pray

These are just a few of this "new practices" I have been putting into place and the best result so far is that I feel better. I no longer feel resigned about life and I see how my joy is returning. Yay!

It's only been three weeks on my "diet". I've got a few more days to go, so...stay tuned for more...

Thoughts about the Holidays.

So many people to acknowledge, so little time. So many folks in my life that I want to buy "things" for.

Is this because I want to or is this the greedy capitalist machine driving me?

Quite honestly, I don't care! I love to give and be generous with my friends and family. I like them to know they are special to me during this time of year.

Now for the next question; why during this time of year? Why not all the time?

That is an awesome question and I believe that I do express myself to my friends and family quite honestly and openly most of the time. I LOVE to tell my friends and family I love and appreciate them. It only takes a moment and it usually impacts them in a positive way.

I do my best to live by this code as much as possible, however, being human has it's foibles and pitfalls. My ego has gotten in the way for so many years in so many ways. I KNOW now it is a moment by moment challenge to stay in an attitude of love, gratitude and appreciation.

In my personal work, I have made it a priority to be and feel my connection with my non-physical self. It is the single most important thing I can do for myself and those that I love.

Why? Well, I have noticed that the more I take care of my SELF and not look to others, the better the relationships and circumstances are that show up. It isn't a selfish thing, it is a highly spiritual thing because no one can help me with my connection with Source. They can point me in the direction, but I have to take the steps. I have to do the work.

So, this Holiday Season I am working on my connection with Source first. That is my gift to my SELF. This is also my gift to my family, friends and acquaintances. If I am in a great space, then everyone benefits.

Wow, can it really be that easy? Time and trial will tell...

Affirmation for the week

I feel great. I feel great. I FEEL GREAT!

I can see and feel my SELF now. It is my pleasure to create and live and experience Life in an amazing way. It is my role to give way to the Divine and allow It to express in and through me now.

I step out the way and allow this Life to be lived fully and with the amazing direction and guidance from Source. I am Source, I exist in Source, I express Source and I give of my Self to Source. This is all there is. This is all I need to remember. It is ALL Source and if it is all Source, then it is all me as I am Source as this life called me. Wow!

Today I get what I need to get done, done. Today I celebrate living and life and I enjoy this experience fully and with love and gratitude.

For this and so much more I am grateful. And so it is…

Channeled discourse on Peace

Peace: the peace that passes all understanding, the peace that is bestowed upon us by the dawning of our mind of a new reality.

Humans so often think that peace is a state of mind achieved when circumstances are such that they no longer annoy or bother the ego or mind. Actually, that is working from the outside in, focusing on external circumstances. We know from the law of cause and effect and the law of attraction that everything begins within the mind. Everything begins with individual consciousness or thought and feeling…everything, everything, everything, without exception begins in the mind of the individual soul.

So, peace and tranquility can only be found by an inner recognition. As Jesus called it, “the peace that passes all understanding.” What he meant was that to the human mind, to the ego, this peace makes no sense. It passes all understanding. Yes, there can be a peace when circumstances in the outside world appear tumultuous or challenging or even threatening. Peace, lasting peace, true tranquility, true calm can only be achieved by an inner knowing, an inner connection, an inner feeling of connection with Source.

By going within many of us think we are going to find something by meditating and praying. The mind is rampant even in the silence of your soul, in the silence of your meditations and in your spiritual work. The mind cannot be stilled. It is like a river going over rocks. It will always be there.

But if you go underneath those rapids to the very base or bottom of the river, down, down, deep, deep, deep within the river, down at the bottom you will notice a calm; a smooth path. So, truly it is only on the surface that we see and feel the challenges, bumps and hiccups of life. So if we go underneath, deep underneath to the feeling core that peace is there.

The clue is in the word “feel”. So I, as Stefen, FEEL my connection with source, I FEEL my energy body, IFEEL IT. I do not think IT. It is an experience. It is not a consciousness experience it is a FEELING experience. For being “in Spirit” (inspired) is being in rapture. Being in connection is being at peace because despite all that is going on in the outside world there is an understanding or FEELING in this connection that all is well regardless of appearances. There is a calm within that allows Stefen to express in the moment with a loving and compassionate consciousness.

It is not a difficult experience. It only takes a moment of recognition and connection. And yes, oh yes, OH YES, the experience of humanity is challenging. The experience of the mind is that it continues to bounce back and forth and back and forth and back and forth from this wonderful, centered peace into the human ego experience.

Most people want a “how to”, a step, a guide, a tool in order to achieve that which they are seeking or that which is being spoken about or taught. This is what I have to say to you, let go of the outside world, let go of your desires, let go of your wishes and needs. Let go, let go, let go. Yes they are important, but in the sanctity of your meditations you let them go. In the moments that you pray and meditate you let go of absolutely everything in the outside world and you sense and feel. Don’t think! Remember what I said, sense and feel your oneness with Source, with God, with Spirit. Whatever you choose to call it. Sense and feel the connection. Breathe into it and expand it.

All the distractions of the ego and the human mind will be there when you get back. However, by practicing this place of peace and connection you will deal with things in a much different fashion. If you don’t believe me, try it out. Try it! Why not? That’s how most great discoveries are made…by trying things out.

Why can’t the human mind try things out? It is different with each individual. Just as different as the fingerprints are for each human. So is the process of connecting with Spirit and finding our own path and your own expression as a spiritual being. These paths are just as unique.

So, although there are similar ways such as meditation each individual’s connection is different. So let go of what the mind tells you peace is. Let go of what the ego tells you peace is and find it within yourself.

Bring that sense of calm, that sense of peace, that sense of tranquility into everything that you do. It is that simple. It is a practice. It is NOT permanent. Practice, practice, practice, practice. In Yoga, you give yourself room to go off balance and to fall. We call it Yoga PRACTICE, not Yoga perfection. It’s all about testing, expanding, and consciously growing.

And so it is…

The conditioned mind is a LIAR!

I have spent my whole life judging and criticizing others for not meeting my expectations or “stories” of who and what they should be. My upset ALWAYS comes from a disparity between who I believe someone is or should be and how they are showing up. So, the past few days I have been reminding myself that the voice in my head lies. I don’t really KNOW who these folks are or

myself for that matter… Wow!

So sitting in the unknown and unknowable is much more peaceful and fulfilling. I know that all is well regardless of what is showing up because Spirit cannot be anything other than perfect and EVERYTHING is Spirit. Everything is light or energy and vibrating with life. Life ALWAYS supports itself.

So what this means for me is that I can trust what and how things are showing up now. I can KNOW that all is well. I can trust that everything I need or desire is coming to fruition now easily and effortlessly. I can trust the guidance in my heart, intuition and my Spirit guides. I am so grateful for this truth and realization. So may it be…

Energy in Motion

For me, life is all about God or Spirit or Source. Tapping into that life consciously and living from there allowing guidance and synchronicity to come about naturally. It really is that simple. It just isn’t that easy since the human drama pulls on me too!

Emotions are a very powerful energy form in my life. I can see how they can take me off Center extremely fast. I get trapped by them and pulled away from a sense of peace and Center rather quickly.

I think what I am doing is identifying with the emotion rather than allowing myself to feel it and pass through. After all, the word "emotion" means energy in motion. I can see this. If I just allow the energy to move through me rather than identifying with it I will be more free. I will gain valuable insight as to the experience that triggered the emotional response. I can learn and progress rather than get stopped by it if I allow it to move through rather than stop it by identifying with it.

I experience sadness and anger. I am NOT sadness or anger. I AM Spirit or Source AS Stefen having these experiences simply for the experience of it and/or to learn from them. I really do believe it is that simple. And so it is…

The insanity of humanity...

I feel much better today. I am connected, centered and empty of my drama and bullshit! It took dinner with a friend and speaking about it with a few other folks before I lost the energy that had built up. It's like a pressure valve inside me that needs to be bled regularly and if it doesn't then it can build up and potentially explode. Eew!

When I get like that I feel like such a basket case. I feel like I am a total fuck up and that I am never going to get better or have a life worth a shit. I know this is NOT the truth, but that is how I feel at times...

I am clear that this life is a constant challenge and evolution. I need to continually surrender EVERYTHING to Spirit and allow myself to be led and guided. It is that simple, but it is a challenge as I “think” I know what’s best for me. I know I am more at peace when I process these human emotions and experiences and then tune into Spirit and allow myself to be guided and directed.

I am getting excited again about life and where I am going. I know it is all-good and it is all Spirit! The future is bright and I am going to begin giving myself permission to have a ball again. It is time to live in the moment and enjoy this experience, my friends and family and all that life has to offer. So may it be…

What is my purpose and why have I struggled so long to find it?

I have stressed over this question for no less than 40 years and I don’t think I have ever found anything close to an earth shattering “aha” about it. So, why has it eluded me? I think I have been searching and inquiring through the lense of the ego or identity. I have always searched for something that was either money driven or for acknowledgement or notoriety. What an interesting conundrum! So, I believe, the very survival and ego needs that our culture pushes is exactly what has gotten in the way all these years.

When I think back to High School and Frostburg State College, I remember well what I was good at and VERY interested in pursuing: reading, writing, performing and teaching. I LOVED reading, researching and putting my words onto paper or into my art. I always enjoyed sharing my insights and logic as well as entertaining and making others laugh. These are things that come so naturally and easily for me.

The more I ponder this the clearer I see that these are talents or skills, not purpose. However, these talents and skills come in very handy in pursuing or fulfilling a task or purpose of the moment. What I am searching for is that sign in the sky that tells me what I am on this planet to do. What is my destiny? Unfortunately, I have never found that sign, and what’s more; this “destiny” has changed from day to day, year to year and moment to moment. It evolves.

I had a clear thought earlier while pondering this that resonated with me. I thought about animals and plants. What was their purpose in nature, on the earth, in the cosmos? TO EXIST! To be! To live! Think about it. There is a harmony behind all of it that simply wants to express itself. As humans we call these things talents and skills. In nature, we’ve mistakenly called it purpose. Is it really?

Was the bee “created” for the purpose of pollinating flowers? No, they are simply collecting nectar to take back to the hive. It’s their food. The by-product of that activity is the pollination of the flowers. Just sit with it and ponder this. Do the flowers have a purpose? Do trees have a purpose? Do fish or deer or the carnivorous animals? No! They simply exist and express themselves and what they are good at…

So, to translate this concept to me is easy. My purpose now is simply to live and exist. No high and mighty purpose to bog me down anymore. Sure, I have things I am good at and enjoy doing, but they do not define my purpose anymore. They are simply forms of expression yearning to be expressed through this form called Stefen. It is Life or Source Energy living and expressing through its multitude of forms and expressions. They are as vast as the Universe itself.

I am another expression of LIFE. The purpose of this human is simply to live each day and express the gifts and talents life shares through me, moment by moment, day by day, year by year.

So, where does that leave this conversation? Fulfilled? Hardly! Really, the conundrum is getting the mind to wrap itself around the simplicity of this realization. It actually is not the mind, it is the ego, or the identity that must grasp this and that is not in its nature to do so. Furthermore, it will change from moment to moment, evolving and becoming a moving target.

In looking at life now I have a whole new spin, a whole new freedom, a whole new space. Wow, how lovely to be able to breathe now!

Prose and Poetry

– My Beloved –

Jaded and beat up,

I’ve run from life,

And tried to leave this place,

Yet here I sit in this human race.

All the things life put me through,

I’d truly given in,

I never knew how sweet love was,

Until I felt it from within.

The way I love is deep and pure,

The way I feel is deeper still,

Conflict and upset can easily endure,

Feelings grinding me like a mill.

I truly felt love would never be,

For simply who I am,

You came along,

You rocked my world,

You took my hand,

And loved me as I am.

Words cannot express how I feel inside,

They try, they grasp and stumble still,

And yet they don’t fulfill.

My love is deeper than I can admit,

It pushes me to the edge,

So here I am to take your hand,

And jump off with you and fly…

Practice, practice, practice...

I am so excited about life today that I can barely stand myself. Things are getting easier and easier. I am simply holding a space of what I consider my reality. It is ALL IN THE MIND. It seems the more I surrender my desires, wishes and needs, the more peaceful and full of life I become.

Do I have daily actions to perform? Yes. Do I have things to do? Yes. The difference is the direction is coming from my connection to Source and my guides. I can surrender all of my concerns and worries and simply live in the moment and ENJOY the experience.

Do I experience challenges? Yes. They just don’t knock me off center anymore. I know the way is made clear and I know what to do or I will be shown. It REALLY is that simple.

Do I still have desires, wishes and a vision? Of course. The difference is that I surrender them to my Source and to my guides and trust I am being led.

Why do I say these things? Because I practice them daily and moment by moment. Just like in my Yoga classes, it is all about practice. I can believe all I want, but the rubber meets the road when I try this stuff out. That’s how we get better at any skill or talent. We practice…

Surrender

My mediumship class the other day really impacted me as it was all about surrender to Spirit’s guidance and direction. This is a place I have lived before and watched my life unfold magically and wonderfully. It is time to do that again. I was reminded in class that Surrender to the Spirit is the highest form of spiritual practice as I am in the FLOW. This is what I have been focusing on and this is where I intend to stay. It creates a space of peace in my mind and heart that cannot be put into words. It is delicious! And so it is…

Passion? What's that?

My passion is to find and express myself and my gifts authentically and lovingly at all times and in all places. This is a constant challenge as I am bombarded by humanity's, as well as my own, dysfunctions and inauthenticities seemingly every moment of every day. What I do know is that I cannot control ANYTHING or anyone. Sometimes I wonder if I can control myself and my mind as well... Ha! Good luck kiddo!

The more I "learn" the more I don't know. What a place to live!

Life seems to be a journey of discovery for me. For the past few years I have been looking and searching for my "place" in our world culture and what I can bring to the table. It has been a daunting and challenging task as I have been looking through the lenses of the past and not the present moment.

So my newfound passion, obsession and fixation is being in the moment, NOW! It is NO easy task as I have said already. Why, do you ask?

Well, I have to be authentic with my thoughts and feelings, first within myself and then others. I have struggled at determining what is inauthentic for me and what is not. I have struggled with what is valuable and what is not. I have had to look at EVERY belief, desire and goal I have ever held. It has given me the wisdom to really determine what is real for me and what is not.

So the payoff for this process is that I feel lighter and am more present in my life and with my friends and family. I find the more I let go of what is NOT real and simply be myself, the better things turn out.

So, to sum it all up, I would say that letting go of what is not real and embracing the Unknown is my passion. The more I empty myself of the past, the more Source can express and create through me. This is the ONLY thing of which I am certain...

Speaking about Shamanism...

I spoke at The Celebration last night. It was great. I spoke about Shamanism and Spiritualism and why they are so close to each other and don’t conflict. What I got out of this talk is that there are a lot of folks out there searching for meaning and for a spirituality that works and is in alignment with everything. I know that Shamanism is a li

nk and that my role is possibly going to be teaching the mainstream about Shamanism and its simple and basic practices and principles.

People are yearning for something that they cannot put to words or in a desire, but they soak up anything about the law of attraction, energy, focus and spirit communication. It is amazing to see and witness.

I am so happy to be finding this path. I love to speak and I love to be in front of people. I love to answer questions and I LOVE to hear about other people’s experiences. We all have something to offer the planet.

Someone needs to challenge the status quo and bring about a shift in human consciousness. I am still not sure what my role in all of this is, but I am willing to walk my path and take on whatever Spirit has in store for me to do and perform.

What I do know is that today I feel good. I feel connected and I feel supported by the Universe. I know that I am learning and growing at a rapid pace and that I am being restored to a sense of wholeness, love and joy that I have never felt before. It feels real and that is all I know.

My connection to Source is a palpable feeling and energetic connection I nurture through my spiritual practices. As I deepen these feelings my faith, trust and joy deepens as well. It is delicious and, yes, it’s that simple!

More Druid wisdom...

The Three foundations of Success: bold design; frequent practice; frequent mistakes.

When planning, allow yourself to think boldly and freely – later you can temper your thoughts, if necessary, to suit your purpose. Practice the skills needed to achieve your goals often, and allow yourself to make mistakes, for it is often only in the missing of the mark that you discover the exact location of the target.

Resistance is futile...

I am simply amazed at how easy this experience of life can be. When I don't resist the way spirit has shown up for me in the present moment things go amazingly smooth and easy. It is when I resist how things are that I suffer. This can be as simple as being upset over a delay in public transit...

Why resist what is there? Can I change it? Can I do anything about it? If not, then resisting just causes upset in me and others. Why bother!

So each day is a journey now. I am delighted to see what shows up each day in the direction of my focus (or desires). I have put the Law of Attraction into action, now it is my job to trust it and to take the steps in front of me. It is all Source!!!!

Druid wisdom...

A Druid Triad:

The three foundations of friendship are: respect and trust; understanding and forbearance; a loving heart and helpful hands.

For friendship to last and for it to be deep, it is not enough to simply like each other. There must be mutual understanding and tolerance, trust and respect, and above all, there must be a genuine fondness for each other, and a willingness to be of help, when needed.

New Blog! Yay!

Ok, so here we go. Today I created this account on this site and thanks for the Google affiliation I didn't have to do anything. Technology is so freakin' kewl.

Hopefully I'll be able to link this from my website so we'll see how that's gonna go. I'll put a few of my posts from my website blog until I get this all linked up...

Anyway, first posting, back to what I want to say.

I just got back from the Kabuki Hot Springs Spa doing a round in the sauna, steam, cold plunge and hot tub. I call it an urban sweat. I do it as it is recommended on the plaque in the vanity area. It really does make a difference. I always feel lighter and more connected after a couple hours and it's fun as well.

Anyway, It's late and I'm relaxing for the evening now...

Great Affirmation

Be still and know that I AM Source in the midst of you. I AM the BREATH you breathe, the LIFE you live the THOUGHTS you think, the DREAMS you express, and the STEPS you take toward your manifest wholeness. I AM that I AM in the midst of you. As you look for ways to serve me in an attitude of grateful service, I say unto you, seek no more. Only listen to the still small voice within you, for I AM the master plan, the compass of your life, the stern and bow of your ship as you travel upon the sea of life. Be still and know that I will never leave you or forsake you, for I AM the inseparable place in you that makes everything perfect, whole and complete.

Rev. Herracia Brewer

Excerpted from Science of Mind Magazine

July 2009, Pg. 51

Thought for the day...

I believe if we aren't making mistakes, then we aren't trying new things and certainly not growing! It is only by missing the mark that we learn how and where to aim...

This came up for me today because I have been struggling with what I am creating in my life. I think that I am not doing enough sometimes and my mistakes can frustrate me.

I keep forgetting that the best things in humanity were created by trying different things out...

Creations

I have been looking at what I have been wanting to create lately and getting a tad upset because things are not here yet. Ha! What a laugh and how human (egoic) of me...

I love consciously creating stuff and I love focusing my thoughts and energy towards creating. We are ALWAYS creating stuff in our lives, either unconsciously or consciously. I prefer the latter as it denotes a level of awareness and consciousness.

You see, I don’t believe in accidents and I don’t believe that what has happened to me prior to this moment dictates my future. I KNOW my focus dictates my future and nothing more.

My humanity (ego) has been getting frustrated with this whole process and waits and waits for evidence to appear... What a laugh! Do the birds, bees and fauna focus and wait?

Creation is as it is right here and right now. It is as it should be now. It can’t be any other way or it would be. So why do I think I am any different or separated from the Universe which effortlessly expresses itself in the moment? I am not!

So my role is to express myself in the moment as the moment dictates and to live fully enjoying every experience and moment. They are all gifts!