The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Day 51

I have come to some very important decisions in my life and I feel VERY good about them.  These things have been bothering me for sometime and now I am finally free of the energy and emotions that have been dragging me down and blocking my progress towards creating what I've been seeking to create.

What it all really boils down to is that I have to take care of myself first and foremost!

I have to put myself first!  It isn't about being selfish, it's about self-care and self-love.  In doing this I am loving and honoring the divine spirit in all creation.  That which we all are.

The good news about this is things are improving the more I focus on my Self and my mental/emotional/physical health.

Yea!  Progress!

The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Day 50

Wow, 50 days of hyper concentrating on the Law of Attraction and "The Vortex."  It has been quite a journey so far and I am clear it will continue to be so.  Only things are getting clearer and clearer and I am seeing the places and thoughts that have been keeping me stuck.

I have been creating using the Law of Attraction since early 2007 and I know now I had a conflicting focus and thoughts.  A lot of them.  I can see clearly now that in being depressed and anxious, I am focusing on what I don't want.  So, in obedience to the Law of Attraction, I got more of it.

Eew!

I am reminded of how powerful our word really is (and the Law of Attraction) by an experience a good friend shared with me today.

She recently took a job that she considered an in between job or a stepping stone to the next one.  It was a good job, but she kept saying to me and thinking to herself that it was a stepping stone and not the end result she wanted.

Well, she was let go by the employer and the reason the employer let her go was that they felt she wasn't there for the long haul.  They felt she saw it as a stepping stone to the next opportunity.

Wow!  Now that is proof positive of the power of our word, focus and thought.

The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Day 49

Wow has this experience been fruitful!  I have witnessed myself feel better and better and come back to my SELF.

I feel good being in my skin and I am good with things the way they are and the way they are not.  I guess we would call this surrender.  I don't have to like what is, I just have to accept it and do the best I can to deal with it on a moment by moment basis.

I have to take care of my SELF and love my SELF above all things.  I have to discover inside myself, regardless of what others want or desire of me, what makes me happy and fulfilled.  No one can do this for me and lord knows I have tried to heap that baloney on friends, family and lovers for waaaaaaaaaaaaay too long.

Today a quote from the book "The Vortex" really struck me.  I am surprised I missed it the first time I read it...  Here goes:

"Whether you are currently without the relationship that you desire or in the middle of a relationship that does not please you, there is nothing that you could do that would be of greater value in moving you in the direction of the relationship that you want than to take a notebook and spend time every day writing the positive aspects of the people in your life." (Page 92) 

This struck me because I have A LOT of relationships I want to improve.  Family, friends and otherwise.

I like this practice and I think it is important to do in long-hand writing and not typing it or thinking it.  There is something powerful about writing and creating with my hands.  It engages and forces me to think throughly because my long-hand writing is soooo much slower than my typing or the thoughts in my mind.

Some call this practice a gratitude journal.  I call it smart and it goes beyond gratitude because this is about appreciation and inspiration, not just gratitude.  I think I will go find a notebook in which to take on this practice.

Step by step, I am turning my life around and I LOVE what I am seeing.

The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Day 48

I find it so interesting how when I get my dreary feelings out of the way how wonderful things go.  I don't need to tell you how challenging these past few months and weeks have been.  It has been a huge challenge being me and trying to steer my ship.  It's been a great process because I am learning about myself and what works and what doesn't work anymore.  I have been gently led to processes and tools that support me wonderfully. This is great because I feel good.  It is about freakin' time!

I have been working towards reinventing my life since 2006.  I can look back now and see from this Vortex Experience that I have been in the way the entire time because of my focus.

When things went bad or weren't the way I wanted them, I would complain, lament and continue to focus on, "why me."  This goes against the Law of Attraction and always will.  I can see this throughout my entire life through my depression and anxiety, my sarcasm and my lashing out (or correcting) others.  I have been at the level of effect and not cause.

Over the past few weeks I feel like I have reached a critical juncture where I am not attached to ANY outcome anymore.  I just want to be at peace and feel good.  Nothing more and nothing less...

Sure I have things I want to create, but I know it is already on the way thanks to the law of attraction and my Vortex or vibrational escrow.  My job now is to be at peace, feel good and trust the process.  Keeping the eye on the prize means more to me now than at any other time in my life.

I only want to feel deep, profound peace and the delicious feelings that come from it.  That is all for today.

The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Day 47

I find it extremely interesting that now that I have reached and passed the half-way point on my 90-Day Vortex Experience I am in a place that feels like total peace, serenity and an unshakable faith about life.  Like I said yesterday I feel more like myself than I ever have and I am so grateful for that.  It feels AWESOME!  I take several moments every day to consciously be grateful.

I also consciously work with my energy body every day.  I focus on the delicious feeling of the subtle feeling of the energy and bliss it brings me.  It only takes a moment each time.  It isn't like I have to sit down and chant or be in an Ashram for hours at a time.  I just take a moment to feel my energy body, I take a deep breath to expand it, I feel gratitude and then I open my eyes and return to what I was doing.

What I am experiencing in this is an expanded sense of joy and freedom.  Wow!

Synchronicity is happening everywhere I turn and events seem to be lining up.  Whether this is true or not is immaterial.  I just know that I feel AWESOME and this is the whole point of this Vortex Experience.  I was tired and frustrated with my life and feeling like crap.  So I launched on this journey as a last resort to see what would happen to my life out of this "practice".

Well, let's run down some of the results or should I say benefits:

1. I feel great.
2. I feel peace.
3. I feel faith.
4. Did I say I feel great!
5. I feel self-love.
6. I feel gratitude.
7. I feel joy.
8. I feel free.
9. I feel love for life.
10. I feel love for others.
11. I respect others where they are.
12. I don't feel judgements in me anymore.
13. I have patience.
14. Did I said I feel great!

Ok, do you get the point?  I sure do!  I think I made the "right" choice in taking on this journey...

The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Day 46

I feel great today.  I had an amazing experience last night where I actually got to watch myself and my body struggle with each other for a few minutes.  I was at a restaurant waiting for someone to show up.  He said he’d be there in a few minutes, but never made it. 

Thanks to my new "head space" I was able to watch my body try to get upset and go haywire, but I was able to simply watch it and stay calm and in control.  I really, REALLY felt like my old self again.  In control of the way I feel and in control of the direction I want to take my life.

It was like I was unwiring some faulty wiring that had been the result of the Meth addiction and trauma I have been through.  It was fabulous and very calming.

I see now that my upset with others was usually my "faulty" wiring and not the actual experience I was in that was causing me the reactions I was having.  Wow!  

The experience of Meth, according to my Psychiatrist, rewired my brain and neurotransmitters to fire at odd times and in odd situations.  I never took this as reality until last night when I was able to WITNESS my body from the SELF (my Vortex).

My friend apologized later for taking so long as we never met up.  I said, “no biggie” and I meant it.  Wow!  Freedom!  How delicious!!!!!

I am clear that I am onto something new in my life experience.  It is delicious, calm and powerful.  Let’s see where this goes from here…

The 90-Day Vortex Experience - Day 45

An interesting thought occurred to me this morning after my prayers...


I need to give myself room to breathe.  The point isn't to always soar with the eagles in my Vortex because that will not always be possible.  The point is to do the best I can at each and every moment to improve my focus and reach for what I am creating.

Yesterday, I did the best I could and it didn't feel so great, but by the end of the day everything was in amazing order and healing took place on so many levels.

I was a whiny, sarcastic bitch most of the day, but I vented with and got support from friends, went to a recovery meeting and did all the things I usually do to focus and stretch in the direction of what I am creating.  Wow, what an amazing lesson and result!

Incremental improvement is the lesson for me here.  I can't go from the bottom of the ladder to the top without climbing each and every rung.  End of discussion!