AIDS/Lifecycle 12 - An Unforgettable Journey

Still More Pre-Ride Thoughts...

I can't believe that in less than 24 hours I will begin my journey to San Francisco to begin this long anticipated and well prepared for journey. I am at a point now where all the business of getting ready is complete. ALL preparations whether they be physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and of course the mundane chores of packing and logistics.

• My bike has been dropped off for shipping to the Bay Area.  
• My bags are organized and packed.
• I dropped off the big bag with a friend driving up so I don't have to schlepp it from the airport to my Hotel.
• Boarding pass printed.

I am now in a place of hurry up and wait! That is all I have left to do besides getting to the airport tomorrow.  Wow! All this time of training and preparation it feels so anti-climactic.

I had a really interesting realization yesterday on my drive to and from San Diego to drop off my bike.  I put the same amount of miles (240) that I rode on my bike in my last week of training.  Geez, that was a lot of miles. It hit me on the way back up to Palm Springs and warped my mind when I pondered that distance. Wow!  It put it into perspective since it took me four hours to drive it by car.  We'll travel that much in the first three days of the ride alone...

Now, I have to spend time with my honey, be present for the journey and relax.  There is nothing left but enjoy the journey!

AIDS/Lifecycle 12 - An Unforgettable Journey

More Pre-Ride Thoughts and Updates

T minus 5 days and counting.  I fly out Friday evening to San Francisco to meet up with my beloved Desert Roadrunners for a pizza dinner and carb load.  Mmmmmm, pasta and pizza, what a delicious way to prepare for this event.  I can hardly wait.

I realize that I have a LOOOOONNNNNNGGGGG road ahead of me coming up soon, but I know that I've prepared myself well for it.  I'm ready and I'm so excited and stoked I could pee my pants.

The buzz on Facebook is mind-boggling.  People are posting pictures of their luggage packing, bicycles at bike shipping and even posting YouTube videos of previous rides.  I watched one of these videos (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Bgye5LQB0I) and got so teary eyed remembering my experience as a roadie in 2008 and 2009.

I am about to experience a life-changing journey with 2,500 cyclists and about 750 roadies.  We are a family as we proceed down the coast of California looking out for and supporting each other every step of the way. It is a family like I've never experienced! People from all over the world and from EVERY walk of life accepting, loving and supporting each other with a distinct lack of judgement or prejudice.  It is such an amazing experience!

I can't believe I'm almost done packing and I've cleaned and lubed up my bike.  Wow, I sure got A LOT done today without much effort!

I had a friend ask me if I had anything to do for the rest of the week because I'm just going to drive myself crazy with excitement.  Well, the answer is not too much.  I have a little bit of work to do and I have a lot of cleaning up to do around the house, but I really want to relax as much as possible. We'll see how that goes.

Anyway, that's all for today.  Check back soon to see how things are going on the ride.

xoxoxo
Stefen

AIDS/Lifecycle 12 - An Unforgettable Journey

Thoughts before beginning...

As I get to the last week before the ride, I sit back a bit to ponder the last 8 months that I have been working up to this point. What a journey and certainly a lot of "stuff" that needed to be completed.

I have spent countless hours in the saddle toughening up my legs and butt in order to handle seven days and 545 miles.  Wow!  In the last 4 weeks I have peddled over 800 miles and have climbed over 18,000 vertical feet.  This year, 2013, I have peddled over 1,800 miles and climbed over 44,000 vertical feet. OH MY GOD! Last week alone I cycled over 240 miles; that's almost half the distance of the Ride itself.  The statistics of this training regimin really brings home these accomplishments.  I am proud of what I have done to condition my body.  Now I have to work on my mind...

I have held numerous fundraising events and sent out over 50 emails to friends and family requesting support for this event. I have received donations ranging from $10  to $750.  I have had friends donate twice.  Some by "accident", some on purpose.  I have received support from High School mates and friends I haven't seen in years.  I am deeply touched by the outpouring of love and support I have received and continue to receive.  It warms my heart and brings tears to my eyes when I think about it.

As of today I have raised over $7500 for HIV/AIDS services in California. That, in itself, is a huge accomplishment that I am once again very proud of. And, and, and, the contributions continue to come in... Thank you everyone for your support!!!

I have spent the last 8 weeks getting up at "Buttcrack O'Clock" to avoid the desert heat.  Let me tell you, it's not fun riding in temperatures over 90 degrees.  We get that a lot here!  A LOT! I can honestly say I am glad that is coming to a close because I feel like my whole life revolves around cycling right now.  I feel ready and my legs feel ready.

Finally, I come to the teary part of this article.  Why in the heck I do this ride and choose to ride 545 miles over 7 days.

What you probably don't know about me is that I was diagnosed with HIV in 2005 as the result of a Methamphetamine addiction. I took health risks that put my life in jeopardy and directly caused my seroconversion. Since that time I have dealt with numerous HIV related health issues and have directly benefitted from the HIV/AIDS Service organizations that benefit from this ride.  This is one way I can give back for what I've received.

I dedicate this ride to my amazing miracle of a life-partner, Rey Thayne Jr., who has unselfishly supported me every step of the way.  He has endured countless mornings and afternoons alone while I rode my bicycle.  He has provided support for some of our rides and has gone on several road trips for training rides.  He has even assisted me with numerous fundraisers and been a FIERCE advocate for AIDS/Lifecycle without EVER experiencing the ride.  Wow! He truly is my champion and hero!  Without his support, I know I could not have done all that I have. Thank you Rey you cute little cheerleading miracle!!!

I am riding on behalf of:

• My departed friends Greg Morgan, Mark Moore & Brian Krone
• Those out there still in the grips of methamphetamine and drug addiction
• My brothers and sisters in recovery from addiction
• My HIV positive brothers and sisters who can't ride

I want to thank the AIDS/Lifecycle community and the Positive Peddlers. Thanks to Gabriel Rocha, I was introduced to these amazing organizations in 2007 when I was coming out of my addiction. I was blessed to have participated as a Roadie in 2008 and 2009.  AIDS/Lifecycle and the Positive Peddlers changed my life and taught me to live again without shame or fear. Without the support of these communities I know I would not have survived addiction or HIV!

And finally a shout out to my peops the Desert Roadrunners with whom I have grown extremely fond. We have ridden countless miles, partied and supported each other. With your help I have created yet another family to hold me up when I don't have the strength to hold myself up.

Now let's ride ya'll!  Yee Ha!!!

Passing thoughts on reaching out...

Wow!  It is interesting how negative energy can perpetuate itself if one lets it.

I am doing my best to distract myself and look the other way, but it still feels like a punch in the stomach.  I guess there is a part of me that takes it personally and allows it to hurt.

On the other hand, my Science of Ming reading today was amazingly synchronistic during my sacred time.  I quote:

“Misunderstandings are less likely to occur when we assume a benevolent intention on everyone else’s part and react accordingly.  If there intentions are found to be other than kindly, we respond as we need to, but do not rewrite our story of how the Universe works because of it.  Much of our suffering has come from redefining ourselves as lesser beings in the face of change or conflict. But Source is still Source—still our Source. Our connection with the Infinite is unbroken and undiminished. We are free to make mistakes without coming to believe that we are a mistake. This sense of freedom not only heals us, but also vaults us past the need for healing.”

Can you say wow!  I sure am…

Passing thoughts...

I had an experience of being on the receiving end of a personal attack and a lot of judgements the other day. This caused me to take pause and look inside myself as I always do whenever anything like this happens in my life.

I was reminded of the following quotes and concepts today during my sacred time:

When one judges and condemns, they are looking in the mirror and projecting their own "stuff" onto another.  I have been both guilty of this as well as on the receiving end of it.  It hurts on both ends!!!

Judge not, lest ye be judged.

"What you think of me is non of my business." -Terry Cole-Whittaker

"Be yourself, everyone else is taken." -Oscar Wilde

Blessed be!

Stefen Ray

Life inside "The Vortex"

Life is so good and it just keeps getting better.  Yes, it's true.

I am at peace and I know this is my place of power and of my wildest dreams coming to fruition.  I don’t have to stress or strain to achieve any of this.  I can just rest in this peace and trust that I am being led every day to my next logical step and action to take.  It really, REALLY is as simple as that.

I am getting more and more done these days as I rest in this peace and tranquility. I feel better and better as I rest in this place. I am clearer and clearer as I rest in this place.  But most importantly, it feels awesome and I feel good for the first time in my life…EVER!

This is a great place to be.  This is a great place to play in.  This is a delicious point of attraction with regards to the Law of Attraction and my Vortex.

I trust and know that all is well.  Gratefully I acknowledge this and I set it free.  And so it is…

Life inside "The Vortex"

Life for me has been an amazing journey over the last couple of months. The but isn't this the truth for each day to day experience. I guess it all depends on how you look at life and how you look at this experience called life.

Recently I performed a Shamanic ritual for the season of Yule where I go through a process of death and rebirth. The purpose of this ritual is to end the previous year consciously and completely, including all attachments, desires, regrets, and anything unspoken. It can be a very deep and moving process. I've lost track of how many times I have done this process, however, this past year it was very poignant for me.

This past year I went from being in a place of complete and total contrast as to what I wanted to experience in life and what I was experiencing. Upon picking up the book, "The Vortex", I realized that I was looking at the creations and desires that I wanted from the wrong direction...

I was looking from the outside in instead of from the inside out!

I began the journey last winter that I called and blogged about, "The 90-Day Vortex Experience." This process was a powerful process for me because I actually began a diet. A diet of the mind. I stopped focusing upon things in the outside world and placed the emphasis on the inside world and how I felt as the single most important thing I could do moment to moment.

Where this led me was to peace. I learned that coming from a place of peace IS my Vortex. So, I began courting peace every single day. I still do this every day, moment by moment. I use this place of peace as my barometer as to whether or not a particular path or decision is the direction I need to take.

Do I still have doubts and misgivings about what I've done and where I'm going? Absolutely! I am human after all...

Back to the Shamanic process I spoke about earlier. As I performed the process this year I was deeply moved by the things that I was still holding onto. I had to release all of my desires and dreams and wishes. I had to release all of my accomplishments and wins. I had to release absolutely everything that I deemed good in my life in this moment in order to embrace an even greater future. This is what real death can be like. I think this is why we sometimes have such a hard time letting go. I completed the process and now I am on the other side.

Do I still have similar or the same goals dreams and desires? Absolutely!

The difference is I am no longer ATTACHED to achieving them.

I have reconnected with the peace inside. The peace that passes all understanding. Yes, that statement can be a reality for all of us. It isn't so hard to achieve. It just takes letting go and trusting that there is something more to this experience than what appears in front of us and in our human experience of life.

And so it is...